not sunday =/

I know I said I would see ya sunday,
but I got home late and just didn't
have time to get on here.(still don't)..=[
It is the week before inventory, so I got to
work hours today, and probably will be doing
that all week, so the pics and details of my
camping trip will have to wait. suffice to say
I have great friends!! We had a blast!!
more to come later...

goin "campin"

Got my swimsuit, and my toothbrush.
That should do it. Oh maybe better take
some jammies, that should be good.
No work and All play is on the itinerary.
See ya Sunday. =]

HOT tired...is it friday?

So looking forward to the weekend.
It is the annual girls camp out.
I and two of my best buds go every year
for the last 8 years or so. We used to go
in a tent and rough it. The last 3 years
we have camped via Red Lion....
We just hang out at the pool
and catch up and eat junk and laugh
and do cannonballs and act like 15 year
old girls, instead of the near 50 year
olds that we are..
The last couple months have been
draining and I could use a break.
I of course always feel a bit guilty
and selfish for needing it.
I also worry about my Sidney.
He still isn't quite right. If he
felt up to riding his motorcycle
I wouldn't be so concerned, but
he will normally ride no matter what.
Soooo, I don't know.

nothin to say

Well, I have made a commitment to do better at this
blog thing, and once again am at a loss for something
to say. I am grateful for being OK with my oh so
ordinary life. There was a time when I would have
called it boring. If it wasn't at one end of the spectrum
or the other I didn't seem to want any part of it. I
never really considered it a flaw, just how I was.
I am no longer like that. There is something nice
and comfortable with ordinary, nothing special.
Which is oh so special. See, like I said nothing..=]

"Happy Birthday"

These are the words my sweet husband said to me
this morning. We had been up for a few minutes
and he said "Oh Yeah,,umm Happy Birthday!!".
And I said Thanks honey I love you!!
You see it is our anniversary.
23 years ago we got married.
After living together for 3 1/2 years
we decided to get it right.
Neither one of us thought it was ok
to live together without being married
yet we did it anyway. Great example
we set for the kids, huh?
we didn't have a wedding.
never had an engagement ring
barely afforded a plain band.
We got married next to the
Naches river with our kids,
and then we went to Nile valley days,
and I then went to my bartending job.
And though nearly everyone
said it wouldn't last, here we are.
Not because of us, in spite of us.(mostly me)
And from the very beginning, we
both believed in our very cores
that God had given us each other
as gifts to the other.
I always used to tell Sid I got
the shiny new bike and he got
the scratchy sweater.
both gifts, yet not necessarily
the same on the coolness level.
I haven't said that or even really
thought it in a long time. I still think
I got the better gift, but I realize now
that God knew what we both needed.
And he knew I needed that shiny bike
and that Sid needed that scratchy
sweater, He always knows best.
So we went to Nile valley days,
and came home, and took a nap.
pretty simple and oh so nice.

here again

Oh my goodness...
I can't believe it is the middle of July
and this is my first post of the month.
Here's the dealio...I haven't been very
good company the last few weeks. I
have all kinds of reasons(excuses).
Sid fell and then he was just out of sorts
for about a week, I had decided to take
him in to get checked out, and he said
he was fine and refused to go. Well,
I let it go. And I watched him/
do nothing ...absolutely nothing.
He is in bed when I go to work,
and in recliner when I get home.
no sign of activity other than
the dirty dishes in the sink.
for 2 more weeks...where I
felt my ugly self rise to
the surface and the battle was on.
It has been raging pretty much non
stop until yesterday I guess.
I so hate myself when the selfishness
takes over. I had a realization as to
what my problem was. It was a
plain old fashioned hissy fit. And
I had to repent for it. I realized my
discouragement and disappointment
had been left to fester and boy did it
leave an ugly ugly spot..I have been
praying for COMPLETE healing
for Sid. I have been asking God to give
me back the man I love and miss.
And he hasn't done that. I am MAD
and I don't understand why I can't have
what I want!!! I just miss him so much!!
He is right here, yet not. It is so hard
to explain. Just a simple conversation
there is no such thing.


so I of course get stuck in the mire of
self-pity teamed with the self-loathing
that goes with it..the theme here is SELF.
I hope to be coming out of this oh so
familiar place. I have been here way too
long this time.
I did take Sid in to get checked out.
They decided to adjust his meds
and found his blood pressure was sky high
and increased that medication and he
also had irregular heartbeat, so another
test. back again in 2 weeks. I am now
montoring his blood pressure at home.
He did come to my work and bring me
coffee yesterday..first time in weeks
so I will continue to ask for complete
healing, and learn to be grateful for
what God has blessed me with.
We will be celebrating our anniversary
this Sunday.
Hope to do better at this..