don't feel like it

we got the results from Sid's blood work. He is anemic, and
has to do some more tests for that. And his platelet count is
way off so we have to go to a hematologist and look into that
further. I am just afraid right now. I was blessed with a crazy
hectic chaotic day at work that left me no time to think, and
now I am home and trying not to think. I hate that I go to the
"what if's" instead of just going with the flow. It is probably
nothing to worry about and I will have wasted all this time
worrying and fretting over a situation I have absolutely no
control over anyway. One of the long term effects of his cancer
treatments that he underwent years ago, was the likelihood of
developing a type of leukemia. So, I of course, am terrified.
I hate that, I told someone today that we don't live in fear,
yet I am afraid. I am doing my darndest to not allow the fear
to take over. Sid of course is just so mellow. He says to me
nothing you can do about it. all matter of fact like. I just don't
really feel like talking about it, but did anyway. I wonder how
people do life without God. I am a mess with Him, yet still
have the peace and hope that comes with knowing He is in
control. He knows exactly what He is doing. I just need to
trust that.