day 9: picture of who has gotten me through the most(how bout it ALL?)

Since I don't really have a photo of God, I used this poster of the names of God. There in NO ONE else that can go in this spot. As much as I love the people God has put in my life to help,share,rejoice,live,etc...with, He has been the constant. He has remained faithful, even when I have not. Oh that I would remain faithful. I LOVE JESUS!!

day 1: picture of myself & 10 facts

I like this photo because I am tan and blond..2 of my favorite things on me..now for the facts
1)  I am a Christian. I am forgiven and thankful
2)  I LOVE PINK, soft pink, Hot pink..PINK...
3)  I Love Disneyland, if I could figure out a way to live there I would.
4)  I Hate winter, yet love coats and boots
5)  I don't like shopping, yet love full cupboards & new stuff.
6)  I am right handed yet wish I was left handed
7)  I love to sing, but am not very good at it.
8)  I have been married over half my life, and LOVE it.
9)  I skipped the 3rd grade, never really fit in at school my whole life.
10)I Love to read.
Wow..that was much harder than it should have been.

31 DAY CHALLENGE

I thought this looked like something fun to help me be more disciplined with my blogging. Sometimes I need a little structure. I can't promise these will be consecutive or within the 31 days, but I am going to give it a whirl to complete it within a reasonable amount of time. I mean, some days I may have actual stuff I deem worth sharing to talk about instead..Anyhoo, I plan on starting this Tomorrow..Today I have a date..TATA

Day 1 - A picture of yourself and ten facts

Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest to the longest

Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 4 - A picture of your night

Day 5 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 6 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 7 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 8 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 9 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

New Year, New Possibilities?

I don't do them.
I think they are kinda silly.
I mean who really does it and sticks to it?
Yep, you guessed it..New Year's resolutions.
I have NEVER made them. NEVER
Never had to worry about keeping them.
Or breaking them.
I made one this year....
I made a resolution to log 2011 miles on my motorcycle.
Not impossible. Totally DOABLE...
I put 500 miles on it since buying it 2 years ago.
Granted, life has been a bit chaotic since then.
With Sid unable to ride or drive anymore I found excuses not to go.
It was so hard going without him.
 I cry all the way out the driveway and fog up my goggles.
I usually stop crying by the time I get 2 blocks down the road.
I LOVE riding.
I just hadn't planned on doing it without MY LOVE. :(
I watch him smiling and waving as I leave.
He is so happy for me. He Loves seeing me ride my bike.
It is a time that I feel that sense of ahhhh..I can breathe..
I can't explain it. It is a sense of freedom and release of care.
It is a time that nothing matters. I can sing at the top of my lungs(and I do),
talk to God, just empty my mind of all the stuff that is always
racing up there. the stuff that threatens to steal my joy.
After alot of soul searching and prayer, I realized it was
mostly fear and guilt keeping me from going riding last year.
I felt guilty going without Sid, and fearful of something happening
while I was out riding. I have not been given a spirit of fear, and I
refuse to live in that any longer. So this is my first resolution, and
I am hoping I can keep it. God willing, I will..

so stinkin excited

Today is my day off. I have a different job, and I now work very different schedule.One month days, one month nights. No matter what, I work 6-6. This week I worked Monday & Tuesday, and will go back Friday and work through Sunday. Next week I will only work Wednesday & Thursday. So, I only work 14 days a month. I am home more with Sid, but I miss out on some things I love so much. The pay is much less than we are used to, but God is providing(as always). I have taken tips from others and incorporated a budget and cash only system of shopping for groceries,gas, and other "stuff". I tried doing the shopping once a month only, but it appears I will always need something in between no matter how well I plan. I have now had a small amount of money left over every month so far, so today I am going to lunch with one of my dearest friends. I am on load 2 of laundry, and am just excited to be alive..I love it when I feel like this. I am grateful to be able to enjoy the simple but oh so wonderful things in life that I spent so much time taking for granted and/or complaining about. Well, I am going to go fold some towels...YAY

long time no "see"

WOW, seems like forever since I have been here. I have been busy at work and that is a whole blog of it's own. Inventory is done for another year. YAY. I did manage to work enough hours to bank the cash we will need for our Disney Christmas, so I am thankful for that. So, since I was here last, I lost a good friend. I had another relapse (heroin addict) worked 65 - 70 hours per week and found out my sweet man is anemic and undergoing more tests because of his platelet counts being way out of whack. We go back to north star Thursday to find out more. so far just anemia and iron deficient. I am now on regular schedule at work 7-4. that should make a huge difference in how I manage my time. I am a morning person, and don't do extra hours well anymore. I got to go to church yesterday, first time in over a month. It is amazing how much that helped my attitude. I am so looking forward to ladies bible study starting back up. I think I just want to have some sort of normalcy and I don't even know what that is anymore. What used to be normal is so far from what is normal now. I wish sometimes to have that old life back, that I so took for granted. The easy life, then I remember to be content in all circumstances. That I can do that even if I don't "feel" it.

good day...

It was a good day.
Got a bit of peace and just a sense
of whatever happens happens.
Don't know how long that will last.
Well, actually I do. Til the stupid tests
are done and results are back. =].
I am so thankful for the people in my
life that remind me of the truth. That
hold me up and encourage me.
My sweet man brought me an iced
coffee to my work today, AND he
handled dinner for us as well..yummy
I really cherish these sweet times.
now it is off to bed, after I check on the
farm that is...

is it bedtime yet?

Can't remember the last time I felt this tired.
I am all over tired. Mind body and spirit. I
caught myself ready to cry today over nothing.
I mean absolutely nothing. I cannot stand myself
some days. yet I wonder why others find me
annoying...lol I know pretty funny, huh?
My sister in law's funeral is tomorrow, so
we have family coming to town for that.
Seems just so wrong that we never seem to
see some of our loved ones (we really do
love them) unless it is a funeral. I will miss
my dear sister in law.

We have shared so much of our lives together.
It seems fitting that she passed on Mom's birthday,
who would have turned 80 this year. So much to
reflect on. And be grateful for the happy times.

big sigh

I don't know when it happened, or how I missed it.
I am no longer 25 and in great shape. =[
I hurt physically. I don't do hurt well.
I also, don't do whine without guilt well.
I have had it easy this last few years.
Only in my first few weeks of the parts
dept and my feet hurt. My back is aching,
and my neck is all outa whack. boo hoo....
I had gotten used to sitting in a nice comfy
chair all day. sure i did a little work standing
but for the most part sit down easy...
Well, that is no more.. I realize I have not
treated my body very well. Got lazy and
soft. Justified it by telling myself I don't
have time to exercise, all my free time
I spend trying to do stuff that Sid used to
do. How I am doing more around the house
and I deserve to relax, with or without
double scoops...So there you go there you
have it. I am the heaviest I have ever been
in my life and seem to not have the ooomph
to do anything to change it. So I am gonna
have to get real and take a good look in
the mirror and be honest. I hate doing that
I don't usually like what I see. However,
pain is a good motivator. And I am hurting.
Not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically.
Hard to push that down with a cookie. Hope
that posting this will give a bit of accountability
to my resolve to take a look at what I CAN do.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
So any thing else is just an excuse. Which I believe
is just a lie in disguise. big sigh...

Happy Birthday KanDee

Our sweet baby is one year old today.... I told you about our old dog Punkin. How when I first met her she wrapped her little legs around my arm and wouldn't let go? Well, that is exactly how this little ball of fluff was when I first met her.(she hasn't changed a whole bunch)... Last Father's day we lost our dear Punkin. We were blessed that she died at home......I held her head in my lap and prayed over her and stroked her head and kissed her goodbye...(yes, I am crying as I write this)...10 days later My Dad died. He and I were very close. I have always been and will always be Daddy's little girl. When my parents divorced it was like I was the only one that stuck by Dad. Any way with his death so soon after Punkin's I was pretty broken inside. My husband decided I needed a trip to see our son and his wife and the 4 granddaughters to cheer me up some. Well, that's what we did. While over there, we went into this little pet store, and There she was. Little Miss KanDee. I just picked her up, and we had to pry her little legs from around my arm. Needless to say, I saw that as a sign that she was meant to be a part of our family. It is amazing what a puppy can do for a broken heart. I was so concerned with making sure she was OK and trying to teach her the basics...potty outside...eat your own food..play nice with the others..I didn't have as much time to feel sorry for myself. Yes, I still grieved the losses of my Daddy and our precious Punkin, but that grief was eased with the love of this new little critter. There is no doubt she was meant to come home with us, and she is a constant source of happiness for us. So today on her 1st birthday we celebrate her.

phone " madness"

Well, I told you more to follow. The phone I tried to purchase Friday evening I finally got today at 7:45 pm. I don't think I have ever been through so much effort and frustration for anything so unworthy in my life. I spent 5 + hours on the phone 3 of which was on hold(ignore). 4 calls to customer service call center and thanks to Tiffany, Nathan, Lisa, Kimberly, Shannon, and Arnie at us cellular, I now have a new phone. No thanks, and I mean absolutely none, nada, to Maura, madga, Trisha, I hope you are never treated as poorly as you treated me during this process. You give new meaning to the term customer service. There was NONE. Anyway, I am just glad no-one had to die and no animals had to suffer through testing for this to happen. I would tell you all what happened, but I am sooo tired of telling the story, that I just can't do it. So suffice it to say it was a horrible ordeal and it finally got resolved to some level of satisfaction on my part. I guess I should tell you, the other night when I was on hold? Well, the store personnel went home and left me on hold. I was never talked to (unbelievable huh?) over an hour on hold, only to be left on hold to be cut off...

boring??

Ok here I am, what to write about?? hmmm....uhhh...welll....yeah that's right I got nuthin. I am sitting here and glancing over at the man in my life...watching him relax. He is usually so tired by this time of night. the one thing that keeps him awake is waiting for wheel of fortune. One of the little after effects of the stroke. I asked him if he's getting excited for our trip, and he says "no". I told him he better get excited and real quick..He is wondering if he will still like the rides and be able to rid them. So much about him is different since the stroke. It is interesting how the brain works. so many things we take for granted. just the ability to carry on a conversation. so easy, right? My husband was the talker in our life. I can hold my own, don't get me wrong.. it's just that he always had something to say. so I guess the silence is sometimes just too much and I feel the need to make up somehow. I don't know. I just know most days are good. not fantastic or horrible, just plain old ordinary good. Which is wonderful in itself. Some days, like today, I just ache for the "old" before stroke Sid. And then I remember that this is the Sid that God has blessed me with, and what a lucky girl I am. I have been given the gift of someone who genuinely loves me and even if he can't always express that the way we would like, we are grateful for the gift of each other and a loving God in our life. Probably won't be hearing from me for a while, Disneyland will be taking up my time....WOOHOO