what next?

I am feeling so blessed and so anxious all at the same time. My boss got fired last week.
This came totally out of left field. I guess if I paid more attention to the politics of work
I would have been more in the know.
I am to be getting a new boss tomorrow.
The rumor is that he is going to fire everyone
and hire his own crew. So, needless to say I am scared.
I know that God is going to take care of us.
I just want it to be easy. I don't want to have to change.
I think I have been through enough already.
As I say this, I see the selfish horrid creature that I am.
I so want to be the woman full of faith and assurance.
I have enormous bags full of evidence to this,
yet here I am again...playing the what if game.
I have absolutely no reason to think I am going to lose my job,
but I am already planning what to do when we lose our home..
This is the kind of stuff that goes on in my head.
I hate that about me. I used to be able to talk to Sid about this stuff,
and he would always steer me right. I miss him so.
And he is RIGHT HERE!!

I don't know how people do life without God.
Especially when it is hard.
I was telling someone the other day that years ago
when Sid had lymphoma and was told he needed
to get his affairs in order, I was always waiting and afraid
of the cancer coming back and taking him.
I never worried that a stroke would strike
(if I wasn't so mired in self pity right now, that would be funny)
oh heck it is funny.(I know it's twisted)
we were struck with a stroke...
That's how this bloggy thing seems to work..
I get brought around to see that I need to
put my eyes on Jesus. To trust in Him.
Paul didn't whine about his circumstances.
He used each one as an opportunity to glorify
God. Why can't I do that? Something to shoot for
I would say. At least I am not stuck in that
horrible stink of self-pity anymore.
Thankful for that..=]