If I were smart enough, I would've done this on a photo of myself..My biggest insecurity is one that is shared with countless others. I didn't know that most of my life, because I was always trying to hide it. I was certainly not going to let anyone else know what was really going on inside of me. I thought I was the ONLY one. It seemed like I was always comparing my insides with everyone else's outsides. I still carry this around to some extent, but the awareness of it, and the realization that so much of my life was wasted trying to be ENOUGH in anything, and NEVER attaining it.
Who determines what is smart enough or pretty enough or good enough? I didn't try to do some things for fear of not doing well enough. I have spent alot of my life thinking that if I had tried hard ENOUGH, or prayed ENOUGH, or cared ENOUGH, believing that no matter what that it still would NEVER BE ENOUGH..I have no idea where this came from, or why it still threatens to steal my joy. I have come to the belief that it doesn't matter.
I am ME...and I am the only ME there will ever be. God made me. I am OK with not being ENOUGH, because I no longer feel that enough is ALL there is. I don't have to be something I'm not. Most days, I am totally OK being me. What a precious gift. But, on the days that I'm not....BLECH...
1 comment:
I don't know too many people that don't suffer from this.
My pastor did a series on rejection a while back. He always asks if the sermon applied to you, come forth for prayer, etc. Well, I thought for sure my husband should be the one to "go forth". (We had issues..had, not have). So the first sermon went by and he didn't go up for prayer to break this thing.
The second sermon, eh... let's just say I "went forth". He was talking to me. I still don't know exactly where the rejection started. I think it is a combination of family and the "world".
Keep praying about it, God does release you from this kind of stuff. I am not nearly as insecure as I used to be.
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