Pity Pot

Here I am again. feeling sorry for myself. I hate this about me.
I am so very aware of the blessings in my life. They are so very
abundant. Yet, I can't seem to get past the feelings of loss. and
hurt and anger over it and the guilt that always accompanies
it all.I cried out to God again, Please please give me my Sid back.
It seems like he keeps slipping away from me little pieces at a time.
I hate that I get into this. but it is a part of who I am. Selfish
Self centered. BLECH...I can't seem to see past right in front of
me. The big picture is all blurry.
Things had just seemed like OK, and then the accident.
Sid is so very fortunate that his injuries are not any worse,
but he has slipped way back emotionally and in his willingness
to even try. I felt like I was beginning to get a bit of the "old"
Sid back, and then we are hit with this. I am at a point I hate.
Where my faith is just not there. Where I think I know better,
and I know that is just lies lies lies. I know that this too shall pass.
I am just a spoiled child throwing a fit, because I want what I
want. I wish Sid could communicate well enough to tell me
how it is for him.When I get so stuck in how hard it is on me,
I forget he is probably trapped somewhat inside himself.
whenever I have asked him, he just kinda shrugs and says
"whatever, nothing you can do about it"
I am grateful, even though I am having a rough time
seeing it right now. I do know that I don't have to entertain
these feelings. I have the experience of getting through them
in the past. I just don't much like it right now. Tomorrow is
another day. Who knows, maybe by this evening?