all better...well, sorta

You know how sometimes when you don't feel well and you make yourself puke and then you feel all better? That is kinda what happened to me. I puked a bit of stuff and have been much better since. I think some of it is I have such a need to feel as if I am being honest and transparent and when I know I haven't been, I just get tied up in knots. I have such a core defect of pride. To give an appearance that everything is great. To show the good side. I had gotten to where I just didn't have it in me, and I couldn't fake it, and I couldn't let anyone "KNOW". So after doing all that, the familiar guilt showed up. I am looking forward to a weekend of sun,fun, and hanging out with a couple of my BFFs. I will have the opportunity to let them help me with some of this and I know I will get past this. So thankful that I believe that today. I KNOW that this too shall pass. So see ya!

tiny tidbits(hope you don't choke on 'em)

So, the other day I puked a bunch of stuff. I don't really know why. I have on so many occasions come to the screen to share a bit of me with you, only to get the "stage fright" that I thought I had let go of so long ago. And, here I am nearly a week later. I have been a bit busy with working all last weekend, and then on my days off I had a lot of errands and such to do. So here is a little list of some, not all of the stuff I haven't told you that you probably don't want/need to know, but for some reason I feel like a fake because I haven't told you.
1. I don't know who my biological father is/neither does my mother
2. I have an Ex-Husband
3. I hate my job
4. I went to re-hab(yep, I am an alcoholic) 10+ years sober
5. I couldn't have my own babies, and it pissed me off for a super long time.
6. I haven't cleaned my house right since Sid's stroke..I am so ashamed of this
7. Sometimes I really HATE ME and I HATE that because I truly would pick me for a friend.
8. I have nearly stopped praying...really ashamed of this one, too...
9. my Grampa molested me and my sister when we were kids..I blamed my mother for years
10. wondering where my gratitude is? see #7
11. I am thinking of hitting the delete button...
As I look at this little ugly list, I don't see that it serves any purpose in sharing it. I am going to anyway. I don't know why. I just can't seem to get past it all. I truly am happy and joyful most of the time. I know the last year has been more challenging for me in so many areas. I find myself having to make more effort to see the positive. I bet my lack of prayer and seeking HIM in my days has a huge impact on all of this. I think it must be some form of depression, but I can't seem to pull myself out of it. HMMMM I am seeing a big part of the problem just in writing this..I AM MY PROBLEM, I am not my solution. HE is my solution, so why can't I bring myself to talk to Him?

ENOUGH

OK. I haven't been here in a while. Quite a while. I have wanted to be, but for whatever reason my old "friend?" FEAR has been keeping me from it. I have been keeping secrets, and as a result been paralyzed by it. I don't even know why I would call them secrets. I will freely and gladly tell anyone almost anything about me and my life. Ask me a question, and I will almost always tell you the whole ugly truth, whether you really want to know or not. I know alot of my absence has been because I have had such a hard time really "feeling" the gratitude in so much of my  daily life. I have been doing the actions in spite of the "feelings" being ugly and bitter and ANGRY. And I just want to SCREAM about it all. But, what purpose would that serve? NONE, so I stay silent. I think I am tired of being silent. So here's the deal...I am going to just BE..whatever that may be. I want to know that fear isn't going to win. I AM NOT A VICTIM!!

Just another Monday

BLAH.. back on night shift for a month.
not feeling it.
So grateful for a job, yet find myself complaining(mostly inside my own head).
Why can't I just be glad I get to go to work? I admit to not really liking
what I'm doing, but I don't have to like it. I have to focus on the positives,
which there are some. Insurance is a BIG one. And, I only work 14 days(nights)
a month, every other week-end is a 3-dayer. Why do I always have to be like
the Israelites being led out of Egypt. ALWAYS complaining. I profess to trust God,
yet continue to find myself questioning the details. I waste way too much time trying
to figure it all out, instead of just enjoying it all. The facts are, that I am just having a
blah day, and this too shall pass. I will probably bounce out of this funk before the morning
sun rises.(I sure hope) I am just more comfortable being perky & happy & laughing & being
the one that's encouraging someone else to focus on the positive. Last week I had a bad day
at work & I thought of how I used to call Sid on the phone when I had a bad day. How he would
make it all OK. I remembered the times he would just show up and have a coffee or flowers or
a big hug to remind me someone thought I was "THE BEST"
Which reminded me that some people NEVER get to experience that. How very blessed I am.
When I remember Why working is so important, it makes it so much easier to do and be happy
while doing it. I have been told repeatedly by coworkers that they appreciate my attitude and
how I am happy and cheerful all the time. I just want to be real. I have learned that outside circumstances don't have to determine how I behave. I still wish it were easier, though.

Day 31: a picture of me

I can't believe it. Finally finished. Only took 65 days to do the 31 day challenge. I had no idea it would BE such a challenge. I mean it's just pictures, right? I think I just make things harder than they really are. I am glad I did it, though. I was able to share a little bit more of who I am through doing it. I think it was the photo portion that I found daunting alot of the time. Anyway, that's enough outa me.

Day 30: picture of someone I miss

My Daddy in Banff

This is my Daddy. The photo was taken probably 6 years before he died. He Loved to go places. He would winter in Arizona & summer in our back yard. Until his health got too bad for him to go. The last few years of his life he held on to his independence with a death grip. He never let go up until his last day. I miss him so very much. It will be 3 years this June and I still find myself picking up the phone to tell him something that happened, or when I am driving by the trailer court he used to live, I will turn in and remember...He's not there. The  "Daddy's Little Girl" will always be a part of who I am, no matter how old I get. He was the one person on the planet besides Sid that thought I was "ALL THAT!!"  I will always be grateful to have been blessed with a Loving Daddy. I didn't always appreciate him. Those awful teen-age years when I thought he was the meanest person on the planet. I told him so, too. He proceeded to "stay out" of my life for 2 weeks straight. I tried to talk to him or tell him something, and he would just get up without saying anything and walk away. I never realized until years later how that nearly killed him. He taught me a powerful lesson. He showed me that it was ALL OR NOTHING. I of course wanted it ALL. Years later I truly appreciated his strict ways. I hate to think how I may have turned out left without that stable,unwavering,upbringing. So, I can truthfully say we had nothing left unsaid or undone. I have been blessed beyond measure. He was an ornery,opinionated,hard to know guy. but once you got past all that, there was a huge heart willing to do anything to help someone else. He was always there for me, no matter what. I will miss him as long as I live, but I am comforted greatly knowing he is with Jesus, and I will see him again. Hope is a wonderful thing.

Day 29:picture that can always make me smile

his & hers pedicures..

This is another one that has stumping potential. There are probably thousands of photos that can make me smile. I have spent all of my adult life with Sid. And one of his major goals was keeping a smile on my face. So I am going to post a few of the most recent photos that make me smile now, and will make me smile for years to come.



on our way to church valentine's dinner



always goofing off & making me laugh



picking out my valentine.

I could post pictures of family, friends, critters, and all kinds of stuff that makes me smile. I am normally smiling anyway. But,
when I look at any of these photos, my heart smiles too.

Day 28:Something I'm afraid of

OK, I was going to put spiders here, but the pictures were too GRUESOME & CREEPY to even attempt. I am itching & squirming just thinking about them. ACK!!!
 So, it is fire. I have a fear of fire. I am a bit paranoid to use even our gas stove because I am afraid a chimney fire may start. We had wood heat only for a few years and I got very little sleep because I just KNEW the house was going to burn down. I won't use my clothes dryer unless I am home, I don't like extension cords, etc.. I have absolutely no reasonable explanation. I don't know anyone who had their house burn down, I can't explain it. But I AM afraid of fire.(& spiders)

Day 27:Photo of me & a family member

Veronica, Marty, Sid, & I at our family reunion last summer.

Day 26: picture of something that means alot to me

Our little critters mean the world to me. They are obnoxious and a bit spoiled, but we wouldn't have them any other way. I would have posted a photo of all of them together, but I don't have a good one. Do you know how hard it is to get 4 dogs to behave at the same time to get a decent photo of them? I will tell you: I haven't found it to be possible, yet. Ebony is a little diva and oh so sweet. MoJo is my snuggle buddy, KanDee is the baby even though MoJo is the youngest, and Samson is the one that keeps an eye on Sid. I snuck him into the hospital in my purse to visit Sid after the stroke. Sid didn't recognize me or the kids, but as soon as I put Sammy on his chest the lights came on just a little bit. Needless to say, Sammy gets away with ANYTHING..

Day 25: photo of my day

OK, here it is. Nothing special or extraordinary. A typical day off list for me. It started at 4am, and I expect it will end about 7:30. I still have to tan, and pick Ebony up from the Vet at 3. Dinner is started, but I will finish it closer to dinner time. Chicken Alfredo, YUMMY. I really shouldn't have checked off the laundry since it is dry but still in the dryer. But, odds are good that I will dress out of the dryer the next few days. Good thing I can wear sweats and a T-shirt to work, huh? I don't have a nap on the list, but I have a free hour & half before my tanning appt..hmmm, SEE YA!!

Day 24: what I wish I could change

This has been another one that got me stuck. I want so many things to be different. And, most of them don't have a photo to go along with them. I wish I could change Sid's ability to communicate, I wish I could change the fact that he can no longer ride a motorcycle or drive a car. I wish I could change to a job I LOVE and has good insurance, and decent pay, the things I wish I could change, I have very little to no control over. I certainly can't find a photo to go along with them. I have learned to be grateful for the struggles. In going through these trials, we have learned so very much. So, how could I really wish to change them?
I KNOW things now as a result of pain that I didn't have a clue about before. I KNOW about God's faithfulness. His provision, His Love, Mercy, & Grace. All that stuff I wouldn't have noticed if we hadn't had to rely on HIM and ONLY HIM. I get to share the abundant evidence in our lives with others that are struggling with doubt and fear. I also have those days that I would trade it all to have my sweet husband back. I don't have a post for this category, because I have learned that I trust God, and believe  "that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." not just some things, or the nice things, or the things I find OK, but ALL things. But, if there was ONE thing, it definitely would be for my sweet man to be able to have the words come easy, to hear his constant chatter that I had so grown used to and didn't realize how much I counted on, to get the several phone calls each day that were him on the other end just to tell me he loved me. But, we WILL be content in our present circumstances, and continue to be grateful for God's constant provision for us. We truly are blessed.

23:picture of my favorite book

OK this was kinda tough. I mean my bible is the one book that I have gotten the most from. I mean it is the living, breathing, Word of God. I totally believe this with all my heart, mind, & soul. I also LOVE to read. Used to be, back BS I would be known to knock a book out in a couple days, no problem. It now takes much longer. I am so exhausted by the time I actually curl up with a book, that I am asleep before getting too far in it. I have hundreds of books and a few dozen that I read over and over and over. So there are 2 photos for this post, My Bible and a favorite series of books that I have enjoyed reading repeatedly.

Day 22: What I wish I were better at

This has and probably always will be something I wish I were better at. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband that loves me in spite of me. I am grateful that I don't spend as much time comparing myself with other wives that are really good at it. Sid always used to tell me that we were gifts to each other from God. I told him that I understood that. I said he was like the shiny cool bike, and I was the tacky scratchy sweater. Both gifts, but definitely not the same caliber. I never understood why he got so angry when I said this. I found a way to tell the truth as I saw it in a humorous way. It wasn't until after the stroke that I began to see what he meant. In his eyes I AM the shiny bike. I just could never see me the way he does. So I will struggle to be a better wife forever.

Day 21:Picture of something I wish I could forget

I am going to warn you, this is a bit disturbing..I spent 8 long days watching my sweet man like this, and it was awful.Valentine's day of last year Sid was put on this ventilator. He had suffered severe complications from a surgery gone beyond bad. He had a softball size clot close off his airway and he was unable to breathe on his own. After they did this, they told me they had just made it in time. Otherwise they would have had to cut a hole in his throat. He underwent several blood transfusions, 3 separate surgeries, infections, pneumonia, and 8 days on life support. 30 days in the hospital, over half of it in ICU. I will tell you at the time we were going through it, I didn't really realize how awful it was. One of the bad things about this is they had to tie his hands down. He was sedated, but still fought the restraints. He has never been able to stand being pinned down or constrained in any way. I told my Mom after he was out of the woods, that it never occurred to me that he may not survive. She told me that it had occurred to everyone else. I am grateful that God gives numbing grace in times like these. I had no time to think that way, I was too busy praying and doing my part in fighting for our life together. You may wonder what provoked me to take the picture. Sid was a heavy smoker for 40+ years until the stroke. He quit the day he had the stroke. It was probably about 11/2- 2 years later that I caught him smoking. I was crushed. I explained to him that by smoking he increased his risk of another stroke by 80%. He promised he would stop.
 you guessed it, I caught him again. This time really got me angry, mainly because someone else had to get him the cigs..grrrr. Well, after much discussion we agreed he would stop. I took the picture so I could show him what I see. I wanted to be able to reach him in a way he could truly grasp. So that fateful day about 7 months ago when I caught him smoking again, I showed him this photo. He hasn't smoked since.

Day 20: photo of somewhere I'd love to travel

I am pretty sure I've said before I lack imagination. I realize it should be a picture of Greece, Israel, Italy, or even The Grand Canyon. Doesn't matter that we've been here before. LOVE LOVE LOVE this place. I would live here if I could. This is a picture of California Screamin, the roller coaster in the newer part of Disneyland-California Adventure. I rode this ride 14 times in a row. After all, it is the happiest place on earth.So, this is it. Lord willing we will get to go back.

Day 19: Picture and a letter

Day 18: picture of my biggest insecurity

If I were smart enough, I would've done this on a photo of myself..
My biggest insecurity is one that is shared with countless others. I didn't know that most of my life, because I was always trying to hide it. I was certainly not going to let anyone else know what was really going on inside of me. I thought I was the ONLY one. It seemed like I was always comparing my insides with everyone else's outsides.  I still carry this around to some extent, but the awareness of it, and the realization that so much of my life was wasted trying to be  ENOUGH in anything, and NEVER attaining it.
Who determines what is smart enough or pretty enough or good enough? I didn't try to do some things for fear of not doing well enough. I have spent alot of my life thinking that if I had tried hard ENOUGH, or prayed ENOUGH, or cared ENOUGH, believing that no matter what that it still would NEVER BE ENOUGH..I have no idea where this came from, or why it still threatens to steal my joy. I have come to the belief that it doesn't matter.
I am ME...and I am the only ME there will ever be. God made me. I am OK with not being ENOUGH, because I no longer feel that enough is ALL there is. I don't have to be something I'm not. Most days, I am totally OK being me. What a precious gift. But, on the days that I'm not....BLECH...

a peak into the madness

It's official. I really AM in need of some help. I had a friend post a question on her facebook page.
"How do you eat your toast? from the bottom on up? or the top on down? I put SERIOUS thought into this. Why can't I put this much thought and effort into things that mean something. I decided to post my answer here. Tell me what you think, PLEASE...

"Oh my goodness. I saw this and thought about it and here's the deal. Am I eating the toast in a restaurant or at home? because they normally cut it at a restaurant, and I don't always cut it at home.Is it cut horizontally or vertically or diagonally? Also, is the toast on it's own or is it accompanying oatmeal, eggs,(I dip my toast in both) or something else. Am I putting only butter on my toast or is it going to have jelly, or perchance some peanut butter? and one of my all time favorites is toast dunked in cocoa. So, I have put much thought in this and determined that regardless if it is cut(which I will eat middle bottom to top) or if it is left whole, I will also eat bottom to top. I really did go through the process in my mind. The only time I may deviate is when it is dunked in the cocoa, which I then tear it in half, and then proceed to tear into bite sized chunks to dunk. I bet you can see now why others find me so annoying."
Don't know about anybody else, but I find me annoying after reading this...sheesh. explains ALOT.

day 17: something that has made huge impact on my life recently

I hate to say it, but it is money. I lost a job where I had made pretty good money. We had gotten alot of the medical bills paid down and things had started looking a bit more optimistic. Then the day that I went in to work, and they told me I didn't work there anymore. Well, God provided a new job almost immediately. I make $800 less a month. What is really cool, is that God has provided. But, I had gotten used to buying things we didn't necessarily need just because we wanted them, they were cute, a good buy, it was pink...whatever. We had thought nothing of going out to eat if we didn't feel like fixing something. I mean it was just the 2 of us, right? Well, we are now on a VERY tight budget and we are not getting the stuff we want whenever we want it. It is hard to explain to Sid, because he doesn't really get it. I now have to put some actual thought and effort into what we spend our money on.I plan menus and buy in bulk and repackage,clip coupons and watch sale ads. Stuff I used to do back in the day, and had gotten out of the habit(lazy). I have been using the cash method of paying for stuff. I have $300 a month to buy groceries,gas,Starbucks,etc.. once that money is gone, well it's gone. So far(Since last August) we have had enough left over at the end of each month to get a pizza, or go for coffee. I had looked at it as a negative, when it has turned out to be another huge piece of evidence we get to have(and hopefully share) of God's abundant provision.

day 16: Photo of someone who inspires me

I have several people in my life that have had huge impacts on me. In so many areas and eras. I could choose so many to highlight for this category. so, can I get a drum roll???  ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

I pick Betty. I call her Mama Betty. She has taught me so much on being grateful in unchosen circumstances. She shows me how to be a loving wife to a husband that is different than the one I married. She shows me how to be graceful(haven't got that down, yet). I try to follow her Godly example. My circumstances are not the same as Mama Betty's, but she too has had a gradual road to where she is today.  I so appreciate her understanding of what I feel. She truly KNOWS. I always feel as if I am complaining when I talk about feeling as though I lost my husband the day Sid had the stroke, even though he is alive and for the most part fairly well. He is a VERY different man.  She continues to share the truth of God's love and provision. And, continues to love me as I am. She shares her experience with me and it allows me to "see" from a different view. She shows me how the Joy of the Lord is her strength, and how it can be mine as well.

acceptance of reality

Well, it has only been a little under a year since Sid was told no more driving. I have finally posted his car for sale. I had been dragging my feet. It was like if I put it up for sale, I was admitting defeat. I wasn't ready to make it final. I mean, it isn't hurting anything just sitting in it's little canvas garage.

Well, the reality is- we could use the money. It just seems like it is one more tangible piece that has to be let go of. We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary this year(God willing), and we have taken a trip to Disneyland for our 5th,10th,15th,and 20th. If we sell the car, we plan on using part of the money to go for our 25th. That helps ease the sting of reality.

Day 15: photo of something I want to do before I die.

OK, here I am again, STUCK. I cannot think of one thing. How lame is that? I have no imagination, or motivation, or whatever it is that other people have. So I finally have decided I'm going to skip day 15. I forgot that I don't have to follow the rules, It's MY BLOG and I get to do what. ever. I. want.
I spent the last 2 weeks obsessing and analyzing, and more obsessing trying to figure this out. I am determined to do this challenge, so I will skip this day for now.

day 14: person I can't imagine my life without.

This is no big surprise. I knew when I started this challenge that Sid was going to dominate
alot of the days. I have had the last few years (since the stroke) to get a taste of my life without
him. In many ways I "lost" him the day he had the stroke. The man I married is still in there, but
changed in so many ways. I joke and tell people I got a "brand new" husband. I have grown to
know and love the new one so very much. And every so often I get a taste of the "old" husband.

day 13: my favorite artist

I Love Wy..there is something about her that I relate to. Not to mention, the phenomenal voice.  Love Her

Day 12: picture of something I love

day 11: picture of something I hate

Blech...I nearly gag just looking at the photo. I HATE peas.
you know how when you're a kid and your parents tell you if you don't finish your dinner you are going to get it for breakfast? or you are going to sit at the table until you finish your dinner. Well, I won this battle as a young toddler. after falling asleep at the table, and going 6 meals without eating the peas, they decided maybe I really didn't like them and shouldn't have to eat them. YA THINK?? still hate them.

day 10: picture of who I do my craziest things with

Cindy..we have been through alot over the years. Through the deaths of parents, births of grandchildren, illnesses. She is more than a friend. She is My Sister, truly a gift from God. I LOVE her and she loves me. We are the best of friends, and I cannot imagine my life without her in it.  When we get together we are like teenage girls, although we can act like grown-ups and do most of the time. I so cherish her and our friendship. Looking forward to our annual LadyBug campout. We'll be roughin it at the Red Lion. And doing a bit of our "crazy" stuff, which I will keep our "little secret" for now..

day 9: picture of who has gotten me through the most(how bout it ALL?)

Since I don't really have a photo of God, I used this poster of the names of God. There in NO ONE else that can go in this spot. As much as I love the people God has put in my life to help,share,rejoice,live,etc...with, He has been the constant. He has remained faithful, even when I have not. Oh that I would remain faithful. I LOVE JESUS!!

day 8: picture that makes me laugh

Sid & I on our 20th Anniversary at DisneyLand.
We Love to pose and make the pictures fun.
This is one of our favorites. Such a great time!

day 7: my most treasured item

Since I already did a post on my ring, I will share my 2nd most treasured item. I LOVE my car. I remember the first time I saw a mini. It was love at first sight. I was with Sid in Seattle back in 2000. We were walking and passed a place called Cosmopolitan Motors. It had Ferarris, and Corvettes, and other fancy cars. I saw the Mini, and was like, OH Look!! it is like a grown-up version of my Suzuki. At the time, I was driving a '96 Suzuki X-90. Which I also loved.
 Anyhoo, I began researching and watching and coveting the car. I even went as far as carrying a photo from motor trend of a Mini cooper S in my purse for 9 years. Well, life continued to happen and it appeared that my having this car was not going to happen. And believe me, I am very aware it is just a car. It has no ability to make me happy or make me a better person. I just Love driving it. I would also trade it and every other "thing" in my life to have conversations with my sweet Sidney. Well, after spending a few years paying off medical bills and other debt, we were left with a nice amount each month to manage a car payment. I saw this car and went and looked at it. I prayed and asked for God to SLAM the door if it was not His will for me to buy it. Well, you can see for yourself I got it. I got my very first(hopefully last) speeding ticket in this car. So, though I have many things, I would have to call this my most treasured item.

day 6: picture of person I'd love to trade places for a day

OK, I got super stuck on this one. I became paralyzed with the overanalyzation,(yes, this is now a word) that only a few can truly understand. I mean would it be like Freaky Friday and I would still be me but live as someone else? Would I remember what it was like to be them? Would they get to be me?
And, then all of those questions would determine my choices.
ARGHHH...and, I remembered. This is MY BLOG. There are NO RULES. I am not being graded on any of this. If I do it "wrong" what is the worst thing that will happen? You think reading this is confusing, try living inside my head..not a pretty sight. So I picked my sweet husband.

I often wonder what it is like for him. He can't tell me what it is like, and I can only assume.
So I would choose him, and I would really pay attention to how he feels, and what it's like to know what you want to say and be completely unable to get the words to come. To see if it hurts him like it hurts me to see people look at him with disgust because he doesn't remember it's bad manners to belch really loud in public.(he did it the other night at Starbucks. I proceeded to tell him "Good One! did ya get any on ya?") so that is my reason for choosing my Sidney, I really want to KNOW what a day in his body feels like.

day 5: picture of my favorite memory

are you kidding? I have spent nearly 30 years with someone that loves to surprise me. I have so many favorite memories it is impossible to pick just one.There is the day we got married.My first(2nd, 3rd, 4th..) trip to Disneyland,first kiss,first anything, buying my first car, bringing our Punkin home, births of Grandchildren,getting my teeth straightened, how can I possibly pick just one?? I cannot, so I am going to choose when I got my engagement ring.
The day Sid "proposed" was a Tuesday. July 15,1986. We had been living together  nearly 4 years. He says to me "well, I suppose if we are going to be together we oughta get married. How about Saturday?" I answered him, "OK. But I require a minister, no courthouse or justice of the peace." He said, "OK".
 We got matching bands that he picked out without my help or approval. I mentioned how I sometimes wished we had had a "real" wedding. That I had "missed out". No bridal shower, no wedding gifts, no bridesmaids or maid of honor. Heck I didn't even get an engagement ring.

fast forward 20 years.
I had stopped complaining about no wedding, or shower, or engagement ring...but he never forgot.
I had gained weight and needed to get my ring sized, so we took it in. They called me and told me it was ready and I could come pick it up.Well, we go in to pick it up and this is what they give me.

I FUHREAK out and say, "THIS IS NOT MY RING!!"
All I want is my wedding ring..The little gal behind the jewelry counter looks at me with a totally straight face and kinda like I am crazy and says, "yes, Ma'am, that is YOUR ring" I tell her again, NO, mine is just plain with little itty bitty diamond chips in it.She then looks at me and looks at Sid and smiles really big and says to me, IT REALLY IS YOURS. I look at Sid and he smiles at me like he has so many times and says to me, "Well, I suppose if we are going to be married and all, you oughta finally have that engagement ring."
Oh, WOW!! I was in total shock, All the jewelry store personnel were standing around watching, they thought he was the greatest guy ever.(they are right, he is). They always ask about him every time I take my ring in to be inspected and cleaned.
I tell you what, I LOVE him so. He used to say that all he ever wanted to do was make me smile and that was his goal in life.
 And, you know what? they never did size my wedding ring....
So this is what I picked for my favorite memory. It is definitely one I love to share.

Day 4: picture of my night

going to bake some cookies. I won best in show both years I entered my cookies in the fair. I like to say they are the best in Central Washington. I got the "BIG FLUFFY RIBBON" that says so.

add a book for me and TV for Sid, with our critters gathered around. Life is good.

day 3: the cast from my favorite show

Bones is my favorite show, and thanks to DVR I get to watch it on my day off.
I watch very little TV, so I really enjoy the little bit I do like to watch.

day 2: A picture of me and the person I have been closest to the longest

Sid & I on our wedding day. We didn't have an actual wedding.We got married next to the Naches river nearly 25 years ago.

and here we are last Christmas(2009)..I LOVE this Man!!
He KNOWS me and still LOVES me.
I mean REALLY LOVES me..
& REALLY KNOWS me..=]
and they said it wouldn't last. pffft.

day 1: picture of myself & 10 facts

I like this photo because I am tan and blond..2 of my favorite things on me..now for the facts
1)  I am a Christian. I am forgiven and thankful
2)  I LOVE PINK, soft pink, Hot pink..PINK...
3)  I Love Disneyland, if I could figure out a way to live there I would.
4)  I Hate winter, yet love coats and boots
5)  I don't like shopping, yet love full cupboards & new stuff.
6)  I am right handed yet wish I was left handed
7)  I love to sing, but am not very good at it.
8)  I have been married over half my life, and LOVE it.
9)  I skipped the 3rd grade, never really fit in at school my whole life.
10)I Love to read.
Wow..that was much harder than it should have been.

31 DAY CHALLENGE

I thought this looked like something fun to help me be more disciplined with my blogging. Sometimes I need a little structure. I can't promise these will be consecutive or within the 31 days, but I am going to give it a whirl to complete it within a reasonable amount of time. I mean, some days I may have actual stuff I deem worth sharing to talk about instead..Anyhoo, I plan on starting this Tomorrow..Today I have a date..TATA

Day 1 - A picture of yourself and ten facts

Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest to the longest

Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 4 - A picture of your night

Day 5 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 6 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 7 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 8 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 9 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

New Year, New Possibilities?

I don't do them.
I think they are kinda silly.
I mean who really does it and sticks to it?
Yep, you guessed it..New Year's resolutions.
I have NEVER made them. NEVER
Never had to worry about keeping them.
Or breaking them.
I made one this year....
I made a resolution to log 2011 miles on my motorcycle.
Not impossible. Totally DOABLE...
I put 500 miles on it since buying it 2 years ago.
Granted, life has been a bit chaotic since then.
With Sid unable to ride or drive anymore I found excuses not to go.
It was so hard going without him.
 I cry all the way out the driveway and fog up my goggles.
I usually stop crying by the time I get 2 blocks down the road.
I LOVE riding.
I just hadn't planned on doing it without MY LOVE. :(
I watch him smiling and waving as I leave.
He is so happy for me. He Loves seeing me ride my bike.
It is a time that I feel that sense of ahhhh..I can breathe..
I can't explain it. It is a sense of freedom and release of care.
It is a time that nothing matters. I can sing at the top of my lungs(and I do),
talk to God, just empty my mind of all the stuff that is always
racing up there. the stuff that threatens to steal my joy.
After alot of soul searching and prayer, I realized it was
mostly fear and guilt keeping me from going riding last year.
I felt guilty going without Sid, and fearful of something happening
while I was out riding. I have not been given a spirit of fear, and I
refuse to live in that any longer. So this is my first resolution, and
I am hoping I can keep it. God willing, I will..